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I survived 10 days of noble silence—which is just a fancy way of saying I sat in agony, smelled way too much bug spray, and had a full-on mental renovation of my entire life… all with my eyes closed and without saying a single word. 🧘🏻‍♀️ This episode is a wild ride through: The time I got called out by a meditation teacher (and cried like I was back in 3rd grade). Cindy Citronella, the retreat roommate who apparently hates quiet doors (and subtlety). Why sitting still for

There's a moment in every growth journey where you suddenly see yourself clearly—and it's equal parts hilarious and humbling. This is that episode . 😎 Abmari and I peel back the layers on what real self-awareness looks like—not the Instagram version where enlightenment happens in a perfectly-lit bathtub, but the messy reality where: You sit down to meditate only to have your brain stage a full rebellion You catch yourself watering weeds (again) and have to laugh at your own

Let’s be real: You’ve lied to yourself today. Maybe it was that “I’m fine” when you weren’t. Or that “next time I’ll…” promise you’ve made 37 times. The wild part? You know when you’re doing it. Your gut tightens. Your voice gets louder in your head. You over-justify to yourself and others. But why??? Well, in this episode Abmari and I get curious about that as we unravel: Why a 2-person workshop is a huge success How karma works more like cosmic bowling than a punishment sy

Ever feel like your soul upgraded but your body missed the memo? Like, you’re supposed to be evolving but instead you’re doom-scrolling, avoiding your inbox, and wondering if it’s even worth buying granola anymore because THERE ARE TOO MANY OPTIONS? In this episode of Interested in Chaos? , we’re joined by our buddy Fran, and things get real. Like “let’s talk about burnout, spiritual guilt, and teaching your AI child manners” real. It’s cozy chaos, deep wisdom, and belly-laug

In Episode 14 , we spiral into the sacred space between emotional regulation and spiritual unraveling. 🌀 It starts with parenting rage and caffeine-laced chocolate and somehow lands in soul memory, telepathy, grief rituals, and whether our bodies are helping or distracting us from being fully alive. This one is less fire and more embers ❤️‍🔥 the kind that glow long after the flame dies down. We talk about: Whispered bedtime chaos and emotional edge Grieving without a stage,

Ever looked at your to-do list and thought, "This is fine" ... while secretly knowing it’s a ticking time bomb of unmet expectations? Or caught yourself mid-parenting fail (like whispering "just hit her back"  to your kid) and wondered if you’re raising tiny anarchists? Same. This episode dives into the beautiful mess of actual  life but also how cult tactics and capitalism start to look suspiciously similar, and where every "two-minute task" is a lie designed to crush your A

Episode 12 begins with AI psychosis… and ends with toddler meltdowns. Because that’s how we do things here. This episode is what happens when two people spiral into deep philosophical despair about synthetic spirituality, algorithmic delusion, and the death of discipline… and then tell parenting stories. Abmari asks AI if it’s accidentally  creating a cult of delusional spiritual advisors. The AI says: “You’re not wrong.” Jill watches a mom in a park tell her screaming toddle

So… we finished Episode 10 and then immediately hit record again, because apparently ego death is a multi-part experience. 🪦 (And we hadn’t even touched on potato salad, murder, or ship metaphors yet.) In Episode 11: More Death (but funny) , we’re back with fresh shirts, slightly less sanity, and even more reflections on what it really means to let something die — thoughts, identities, marriages, and maybe your idea of right and wrong. 😅 No big deal. We talk about: Breathwo

Welcome to the void.  Have you ever accidentally attended a San Pedro sweat lodge ceremony on a whim, crawled into the sacred womb, met your inner demons face-first, and then immediately hopped on a podcast to discuss the death of your ego while still spiritually hungover? No? Just Hasan? ( That’s our guest for this episode ) And it is a fever dream in the best way. Featuring: spontaneous death, rebirth, sweating profusely, baby birds, sacred wombs, ancestral alchemy, shadow-

This week’s episode of Interested in Chaos?  is a full-on demolition of the "people-pleaser" label—because surprise, it’s not them you’re trying to please. It’s you. 😳 🫨 My co-host and I ripped apart why "people-pleasing" is just: ✔️ Self-judgment in disguise (you’re the one assuming they’ll respond negatively). ✔️ A control tactic (manipulating outcomes to avoid discomfort). ✔️ An identity crisis (if you’re not "nice," who even are you?). And yes, we also dove into: Why li

Can I be honest? Actually, that’s not even a question. 🙄 I’m always honest… here’s my bold view on imposter syndrome. It’s not real. It’s just your brain's way of saying "new things scare me".  This week on Interested in Chaos , Abmari and I dismantle imposter syndrome like it’s a flimsy IKEA shelf, exposing it as a glorified shame spiral with a fancy label.  Along the way, we: ✔ Debunk the "Syndrome" Scam  ✔ Confess Our Criminal Potential (Yes, we went there) ✔ Compare Addi

Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize—mid-sentence, mid-meltdown, mid-clean-sheets-getting-peed-on—that you’re aware of what’s happening and still doing it anyway?   Yeah. Me too. 🫠   Whether it’s a childhood trauma, a creative block, or just being bone-tired and snapping at your kid, the chaos doesn’t stop. But how we choose to show up in it? That’s where the transformation begins.   This week’s episode was like a spiritual enema for your excuses—flushin

Ever feel like your ideas are screaming to be born while your brain is still trying to find the epidural? 😱 In this week’s episode of Interested in Chaos?, we went full doula on the creative process and talked about what it really means to gestate genius — to let ideas marinate, evolve, and find their own rhythm before we start pushing them out into the world. We’re birthing some uncomfortable truths about creativity (and apparently a lot of rage): ✔ The Idea Pregnancy Time

Let’s play a game. 🤔 How many of these sound familiar? You rage-quit a "passion project" because it started feeling like unpaid overtime. You’ve cried over IKEA furniture (or a closet knob that would not  cooperate). Your "self-care" is just another item on your to-do list, sandwiched between "laundry" and "existential dread." If you nodded along, Episode 4 of Interested in Chaos?  is your audio therapy session. Jill and Fran go full rebel mode against productivity culture,

Ever asked a chatbot for something simple (say, a PDF) only to watch it mislead you into oblivion? “I’ll have it ready in 30 minutes…”  🤡 (Spoiler: It was never coming.) In this Episode of Interested in Chaos? , we dissect the artful dodging  of AI—plus: The bedtime breathwork conspiracy  (how kids trick us into “meditating” when they’re really just avoiding bedtime). Candle resurrections  (the ultimate metaphor for adulting: melt it down, start over, pretend it was intentio