How I lost my mind and found my ass

I survived 10 days of noble silence—which is just a fancy way of saying I sat in agony, smelled way too much bug spray, and had a full-on mental renovation of my entire life… all with my eyes closed and without saying a single word. 🧘🏻‍♀️

This episode is a wild ride through:

• The time I got called out by a meditation teacher (and cried like I was back in 3rd grade).

• Cindy Citronella, the retreat roommate who apparently hates quiet doors (and subtlety).

• Why sitting still for 11 hours a day is actual torture (but also absolutely transformative?).

• The moment I dissolved into the void (until my ego told me I was there).

It’s equal parts existentialism, stand-up comedy, and "why the hell do we do this to ourselves?"—so, classic Interested in Chaos? Vibes.

At the course, one phrase echoed through every meditation, every moment of pain, every mental spiral: "Anicca, anicca"—Pali for "impermanence." It’s the Buddha’s OG mic-drop truth: Everything changes. Always. Your joy, your suffering, your obsessions, even your identity—it’s all fleeting. If you’ve ever tried to meditate (or just exist without distractions), you know the mind is a relentless little gremlin. 

Here’s what this experience hammered into my skull: 💀

We suffer because we cling—to comfort, to control, to the delusion that anything (good or bad) will last. But impermanence isn’t nihilism; it’s liberation. Here’s how to work with it:

1. Meditation’s Dirty Secret: You’re Practicing Death

• Every session, you watch thoughts rise and vanish. Sensitions flare and fade. This is the rehearsal.

• Try it: When pain or boredom hits mid-sit, whisper "anicca"—not to make it leave, but to remember it will.

  
  

2. Life’s Best Hack: "This Too Shall Pass" Isn’t Just for Cross-Stitch

• Bad moment? It’s already dissolving. (Even if it feels eternal, it’s not.)

• Good moment? Drink it in because it’s fleeting—not in spite of it.

  
  

3. The Radical Side Effect: You Stop Taking Yourself So Damn Seriously

• That humiliation/rage/heartbreak? It’s a weather pattern, not your climate. 🌤️ 👇🏼

• Proof: Think of a crisis from 5 years ago. Does it still sting—or is it just a story now?

  
  

Impermanence isn’t cold truth—it’s the universe’s way of whispering, "Darling, you’re freaking out over a cloud." The more you lean into it, the lighter existence feels.

May you have a day that is neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Watch the full episode here.