What Seeds Are You Watering?

There's a moment in every growth journey where you suddenly see yourself clearly—and it's equal parts hilarious and humbling.

This is that episode. 😎 Abmari and I peel back the layers on what real self-awareness looks like—not the Instagram version where enlightenment happens in a perfectly-lit bathtub, but the messy reality where:

• You sit down to meditate only to have your brain stage a full rebellion

• You catch yourself watering weeds (again) and have to laugh at your own patterns

• The simple act of showing up becomes the most radical thing you can do

We explore why resistance isn't failure—it's data. Why "planting seeds" is more than spiritual jargon—it's the ultimate lens for understanding your life. And how our podcast name (thankfully) evolved from "All Over the Map" to Interested in Chaos (with some divine—and slightly intoxicated—intervention).

This is for you if:

✓ You've ever fought with your own mind during meditation

✓ You're tired of personal growth that feels like another item on your to-do list

✓ You want to laugh while examining your shadows (because why be serious about it?)

✓ You suspect there's wisdom in the mess—if only you could see it clearly 👀

A Moment to Pause in the Chaos

1. Your thoughts are seeds. Plant ‘I’ll deal with this later,’ and guess what sprouts? More avoidance.

Every thought is a tiny blueprint for your future. The more you repeat "I’ll handle it tomorrow," the more your brain wires itself for procrastination. It’s like planting dandelions and being shocked when your garden’s overrun with weeds. Want change? Start noticing the seeds you’re casually tossing into the soil of your mind. (Spoiler: "Later" is a myth.)

2. Discomfort is data. That ‘ugh, I don’t wanna meditate’ feeling? It’s not laziness—it’s your brain clinging to old patterns.

Resistance isn’t a stop sign—it’s a diagnostic tool. When your brain throws a tantrum about meditating (or journaling, or therapy), it’s often because you’re threatening its autopilot mode. "But we’ve always numbed out with Netflix!" it whines. The discomfort? That’s the sound of growth knocking. Pro tip: Thank your brain for its concern, then do the thing anyway.

3. Addiction isn’t just to substances. It’s the stories we replay (like ‘I’m fine’ when you’re clearly not).

The most insidious addictions aren’t to alcohol or sugar—they’re to the lies we cozy up with. "I don’t need help," "They’re the problem," "This is just how I am." These stories are mental junk food: comforting in the moment, corrosive over time. Catch yourself reaching for that emotional fast food? Pause. Ask: "Is this nourishing me, or just familiar?"

4. Shadow work isn’t a dark art. It’s just asking, ‘Why do I keep watering these weeds?’

Your "shadow" isn’t some scary monster—it’s just the parts of yourself you’ve shoved into the basement. But like mold, they grow in the dark. Shadow work is flipping on the light and noticing: "Huh, I keep dating emotionally unavailable people. What’s that about?" It’s not about self-blame; it’s about curiosity. 

5. Presence is rebellious. Especially when your mind is yelling, ‘But what if we spiral instead?’

In a world that profits off your anxiety, choosing to be present is an act of quiet defiance. Your mind will lobby hard for its favorite pastimes: ruminating on the past, catastrophizing the future. But here’s the secret: You’re not your thoughts. You’re the awareness witnessing them. Try this: When your brain screams "SPIRAL TIME!", whisper back: "Not today, Satan."

In a world that glorifies overnight transformations, we're here for the slow, intentional work—the kind that happens in the quiet moments between resistance and surrender.

This episode is permission to be exactly where you are, while gently stretching toward who you're becoming.