People pleasing is a lie (and you're the liar)

This week’s episode of Interested in Chaos? is a full-on demolition of the "people-pleaser" label—because surprise, it’s not them you’re trying to please. It’s you. 😳 🫨

My co-host and I ripped apart why "people-pleasing" is just:

✔️ Self-judgment in disguise (you’re the one assuming they’ll respond negatively).

✔️ A control tactic (manipulating outcomes to avoid discomfort).

✔️ An identity crisis (if you’re not "nice," who even are you?).

And yes, we also dove into:

• Why limitlessness scares you more than failure.

• How intuition gets confused with psychosis (oops).

• That one time Abmari had a Kundalini awakening in a bathtub

  
  

Sounds crazy? Well, it was a little bit... but it was still fun and I genuinely hope you get something out of it. (Please let me know! I read all my emails, it may just take me a moon cycle.)

Catch the full episode wherever you podcast

🤐People-pleasing isn’t just saying "yes" when you mean "no." It’s a whole subconscious operation designed to keep you "safe"—aka, small, controlled, and exhausted. Here’s how it creeps in:

1. The Over-Apologizer 😕

• "Sorry for existing!" vibes.

• Apologizing for things that aren’t your fault (weather, traffic, someone else’s bad mood).

• Try this: Replace "sorry" with "thank you." (Ex: "Thank you for waiting" instead of "Sorry I’m late.")

  
  

2. The Mind Reader 🔮

• Assuming others’ disapproval before they even react.

• Editing your opinions, outfits, or energy to match what you think they want.

• Try this: Ask, "What evidence do I have that they’ll hate this?" (Spoiler: None.)

  
  

3. The Resentment Machine 😡

• Saying "yes" to things you dread, then feeling bitter when no one notices your "sacrifice."

• Try this: Pause before agreeing. Ask: "Will future-me be pissed about this?"

  
  

4. The Chameleon 🦎

• Shifting your personality, hobbies, or values to fit in.

• Laughing at jokes you don’t find funny. Nodding when you disagree.

• Try this: Wear/do/say one thing today that’s unapologetically you.

  
  

5. The Emotional Janitor 🧹

• Over-explaining to avoid any discomfort (yours or theirs).

• Fixing others’ problems to avoid your anxiety about conflict.

• Try this: Let someone else sit in their mess. Not your job to mop it up.

Why This Matters:

People-pleasing isn’t "nice"—it’s fear wearing a mask. Fear of rejection, fear of being "too much," fear of taking up space. But here’s the truth: You can’t control how others see you. You can control how you betray yourself.

🚨Your homework: Notice one moment this week where you people-please. Then ask: "What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t?"

The answer might piss you off. Good. That’s where the work begins.

Send this to a fellow recovering people-pleaser, you’ll be doing them a service. 🙏