We have all the knowledge in the world and nothing to show for it. Here’s why.🔥 EPISODE 50: Drop the Program. Burn the Textbook. Do This Instead. 📌 THE CHAOS THIS WEEK: What happens when you realize that knowing everything is actually keeping you stuck? In this milestone 50th episode, we get radically honest about the trap of endless information consumption. We’re drowning in PDFs, masterclasses, and spiritual teachings, but starving for real, tangible change. We’re living in the age of cognitive overload. The chaos isn't just the misinformation; it's the volume of information. We have access to entire university curriculums for free, AI that can summarize any book, and an endless stream of "experts" telling us their way is the right way. But this accessibility has created a new problem: the performance of learning. We highlight, we bookmark, we consume podcasts and courses, and we convince ourselves that because we know the thing, we’ve done the thing. We’re building libraries in our heads while the house outside remains unfinished. The chaos is the illusion of progress. Plus, we introduce something we’ve been brewing for a while—a space we’re calling The Acuntability Club. It’s not for everyone. It’s for the people who are ready to stop performing "growth" and start actually getting shit done. We’re talking about the friction required for movement, why the word 'cunt' is actually a reclamation of power and audacity, and why the product isn't the information anymore—the product is the container. 🔮 THE COSMIC LIBRARY: On IG: @interestedinchaos @abmari @purposefullyalign On Spotify and Apple Podcasts: Interested in Chaos? Timestamps: [00:00] The chaos of infinite access to information. [02:11] Abmari admits she’s a consumer (and why that’s not enough). [04:20] The perpetual learning loop: why "more" keeps you stuck. [07:15] Going fast vs. going far: the power of a container. [10:22] Why the product is no longer the product. [11:51] Introducing The Acuntability Club: Reclaiming power, audacity, and the word "cunt." [14:16] Why friction and tension are required for movement. [17:39] The difference between homework and actually doing the thing. [19:45] Come join us, you beautiful cunts. 🎙️ FOLLOW THE CHAOS (OR DON’T): 📩 Subscribe—because obviously. 💬 DM us your biggest "wait, is that just me?" moment—we might rant about it next. ⭐ Rate/review if you’re interested in chaos too. New episodes drop on Tuesdays. Chaos guaranteed. No apologies. 🚀 🤓 BONUS DISCLAIMER: Interested in Chaos? Podcast is for professionals, thinkers, and anyone allergic to bullshit who wants depth without delusion. We’re not your gurus. We’re your pattern-spotting, reality-anchoring, slightly chaotic friends. #SpiritualAF #SpiritualHumor #LifestylePodcast #Mindset #LifeCoaching #RealTalk

EPISODE 66: Why Your Body Feels Stress Before You Do 📌 THE CHAOS THIS WEEK: This episode is for anyone who can regulate a room, intellectualize their entire inner world, and say “I’m fine” with a straight face — while their body is loudly filing a complaint. We’re getting into stress that doesn’t feel like stress, the disconnect between knowing and feeling, and what happens when your body starts saying what your mind has been managing. Because sometimes you don’t feel anxious. Sometimes your skin flares, your cycle disappears, your body gets loud, and suddenly you have to ask: What am I not letting myself feel? We talk about physical symptoms as signals, autoimmune flare-ups, missing periods, nervous system safety, receiving, trust, and the strange moment when you finally build enough safety in your life for everything you tucked away to come out and wreck the place. We also get into the competing commitment of wanting the thing and not wanting it, the personal growth trap, why reading a novel can feel like wasting time, and the core wound of “if I’m productive, I’m worthy.” Plus: seasons we no longer let ourselves have, the difference between resetting and just setting a new tone, social batteries, perimenopause, kundalini, Victorian frocks, and why being a human being is sometimes just… a lot. No diagnosis. No perfect solution. No pretending we’ve solved the body. Just three women talking through stress, safety, self-trust, and the deeply inconvenient truth that your body might be telling the truth before your mind is ready to admit it. Go use your tools. 🔮 THE COSMIC LIBRARY ▶️ WATCH NEXT: Why You’re Still Waiting for Permission to Live Your Life: https://youtu.be/IVATOCf-VV8 ▶️ ALSO IN THE LIBRARY: Listen to Your Body—But What Does That Actually Mean? https://youtu.be/_w7IZOQrrDw 📚 TOPICS EXPLORED: • Stress and the body • Nervous system safety • Mind-body disconnect • Physical symptoms as signals • Self-trust • Receiving support • Hyper-independence • The personal growth trap • Productivity and worthiness • Rest, cycles, and seasons • Social battery • Perimenopause and embodiment FOLLOW INTERESTED IN CHAOS?: Instagram: @interestedinchaos Abmari: @abmari Jillian: @purposefullyalign Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts: Interested in Chaos? 🎙️ FOLLOW THE CHAOS—or don’t: Subscribe for new episodes every Tuesday. Because obviously. 🤓 BONUS DISCLAIMER: Interested in Chaos? is for professionals, deep thinkers, and anyone allergic to bullshit who wants depth without the delulu. We’re not your gurus. We’re your pattern-spotting, reality-anchoring, slightly chaotic friends. CHAPTERS 00:00 The Spider, Chucky, and a Kid Who’s Scared of Everything 00:40 Externally Fine, Internally Maxed Out 01:44 When the Body Speaks Louder Than the Mind 02:02 Hives, Psoriasis, and the Job She Had to Quit 03:54 38 Days Missing: Your Body Is Talking 04:11 The Disconnect Between Mind and Body 04:54 Non-Attachment and the Signals You’re Ignoring 05:43 Left-Side Pain, Receiving, and the Body 06:06 Autoimmune, Self-Attack, and Spiritual Interpretation 07:01 “Do or Die”: Naming the Threshold 07:45 Fear of Being Hurt and Deadening the Senses 10:27 You Solved It Logically. Now Embody It. 10:34 Why Puerto Rico Became a Nervous System Choice 11:25 Safe Enough to Grow 12:21 Trust, Partnership, and Resistance 13:55 Wanting It and Not Wanting It 14:53 The Self-Imposed Timeline 15:56 Justifying Yourself Out of the Practice 16:26 Can We Take a Break From All This Growth? 17:05 Reading a Novel With Zero Growth Value 18:18 The Personal Growth Trap 19:30 “If I’m Productive, I’m Worthy” 20:23 Delabeling Yourself 21:14 Perimenopause, Kundalini, and Hating the Mirror 22:38 Peeling Off the “I Have To’s” 23:05 Why Are We So Mean to Ourselves When We Rest? 23:42 Resetting vs. Setting a New Tone 24:00 Learning to Experience Ease as Productive 24:41 Seasons, Hibernation, and a World With No Cycles 25:53 We’re Not Just Feeding On It. We’re Being Fed. 26:29 “It’s So Hard to Just Be Human” 27:47 Turning Feelings Into Problems to Fix 28:36 What If Nothing’s Wrong? 28:37 Talk to a Professional and Honor Your Social Battery 29:43 The Two-Hour Massage and the Victorian Frock 31:31 No Solution, On Purpose

EPISODE 68: Why Does Every Feeling Need a Life Lesson? Intellectualizing emotions, solitude, and the self-help trap of turning everything into growth. 📌 THE CHAOS THIS WEEK: This episode starts with a ghost knocking pictures off the wall and somehow ends with Jill realizing she may be turning every feeling into a lesson so she doesn’t have to fully sit with it. Casual. We’re getting into overthinking, emotional processing, solitude vs. loneliness, servitude, self-help culture, and the very specific personal-growth habit of narrating your own pain like it needs to become useful before it’s allowed to exist. Because what if not every feeling needs a takeaway? What if not every quiet moment needs to become content, wisdom, service, growth, healing, or a lesson for the collective? What if some things are just yours? Abmari asks Jill one question that stops the whole conversation in its tracks: Do you do these things in servitude to bypass processing your own shit? From there, we get into the uncomfortable difference between intentionally processing emotions and simply waiting for life to create enough empty space that the feelings finally catch up. We talk about loneliness, post-trip blues, kids being away, the desire to control outcomes, the multi-billion-dollar self-help industry, Spotify DJ-induced personality shifts, doodling as a coping mechanism, and the deeply annoying skill of sitting in silence without immediately making it mean something. No neat conclusion. No profound bow on top. Just two people asking whether a feeling can be felt without being turned into a sermon, a service project, or a spiritual breakthrough. Sometimes a conversation is just a conversation. Rude, honestly. 🔮 THE COSMIC LIBRARY: ▶️ WATCH NEXT: When Spiritual Tools Become Avoidance https://youtu.be/nN-B9BCSgyk ▶️ ALSO IN THE LIBRARY: Why We Self-Sabotage Even When We Know Better https://youtu.be/-aYn_YquPug 📚 TOPICS EXPLORED: • Emotional processing • Intellectualizing feelings • Overthinking • Solitude vs. loneliness • Servitude as avoidance • Self-help culture • Personal growth addiction • Doing things just for yourself • Sitting with silence • Doodling and coping • Attaching value to existence • The need for every experience to have a point On IG: @interestedinchaos @abmari @purposefullyalign On Spotify and Apple Podcasts: Interested in Chaos? 00:00 Intro: Is Everyone as Delusional as Me? 00:27 The Ghost That Won't Stop Knocking Pictures Down 01:12 Logic vs Whimsy: Why I Can't Just Trust My Brain 02:53 Doing Things Just for You, Not for Anyone Else 05:10 The Garbage Picker Confession 06:12 Why Everything I Do Gets Tied to "The Collective" 07:55 Am I Using Servitude to Bypass My Own Feelings? 08:17 Processing Loneliness While My Kids Are Away 09:23 Intentional vs Unintentional Emotional Processing 12:34 The Multi-Billion Dollar Self-Help Industry Explained 13:24 Letting Spotify Choose My Personality for 6 Hours 13:52 Intentional Solitude vs Loneliness: What's the Difference? 15:12 Are You Actually Processing or Just Distracting Yourself? 16:52 Intellectualizing Everything Instead of Feeling It 17:55 What Do You Actually Do to Process Emotions? 19:15 Doodling as a Coping Mechanism (Is That Even Real?) 20:29 Does Every Conversation Need a Point? 21:09 Attaching Value to Existence: Why Do We Do That? 🎙️ FOLLOW THE CHAOS: 📩 Subscribe—because obviously... new vids every Tuesday! 🤓 BONUS DISCLAIMER: Interested in Chaos? podcast is for professionals, deep thinkers, and anyone allergic to bullshit who wants depth without the delulu. We’re not your gurus. We’re your pattern-spotting, reality-anchoring, slightly chaotic friends. #EmotionalProcessing #Overthinking #SelfHelpCulture #interestedinchaos #podcast

EPISODE 54: How to Stay Sane While the World Feels Like It’s Falling Apart Stop Spiraling and Start Taking Control of Your Mind Let’s Fck Sht Up. Get in loser, we’re going on an upward spiral. 📌 THE CHAOS THIS WEEK: If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or like everything is spiraling at once… you’re not crazy. You’re just overexposed. In this episode, Jill and Abmari break down: Why constant news, social media, and global chaos are wrecking your nervous system How anxiety and overwhelm feed the downward spiral Why people stay stuck in negativity (and what they’re actually getting out of it) How to interrupt the spiral and take back control This isn’t about ignoring reality. It’s about learning how to stay grounded inside of it. Because right now? Most people aren’t informed… they’re flooded. WHAT WE TALK ABOUT: The downward spiral vs upward spiral (and how to shift states fast) Media overload, emotional burnout, and mental fatigue Why outrage culture keeps you stuck and powerless The psychology of anxiety loops and rumination How to stop feeding chaos without becoming disconnected Joy as resistance, not avoidance Why small actions rebuild your sense of control “Perception creates thoughts. Thoughts create actions. Actions create reality.” THE UPWARD SPIRAL FRAMEWORK: Agency over anxiety Focus on what you can control instead of everything you can’t Creation over consumption Make something instead of endlessly scrolling Joy as defiance A regulated, joyful person is harder to control Acceptance without agreement You can acknowledge reality without collapsing into it Start small You don’t fix your life in one move. You build momentum 🔮 THE COSMIC LIBRARY: For those who want to go deeper than just “vibes” Concepts referenced in this episode: Negativity Bias (Psychology): Why your brain locks onto bad news and spirals Emotional Contagion: How moods spread through media and social environments Nervous System Regulation: Why your body feels unsafe even when you’re physically fine Locus of Control: The difference between reacting to life vs directing it Attention Economy: Why everything is designed to keep you hooked, outraged, and scrolling Practical tools mentioned: State shifting through movement (walks, cold exposure, physical resets) Interrupting rumination loops Creating vs consuming as a regulation tool Follow / Listen: IG: @interestedinchaos @abmari @purposefullyalign Spotify + Apple Podcasts: Interested in Chaos Timestamp Topic 00:00 Cold walks, hypothermia, and never regretting movement 01:30 The downward spiral vs. the upward spiral 04:00 What if we turned off the internet for a month? 07:30 Ambari’s relationship with the hole 11:00 Using other people’s dumpster fires as motivation 15:00 The 80% in the middle (you’re not alone) 18:00 Joy as defiance + the diamond self 22:00 How to know if you’re in the hole 25:00 What are you getting out of being miserable? 28:00 Acceptance doesn’t mean okay (the hard conversation) 33:00 Tickle fights, chickens, and giggling as resistance 35:00 Childlike joy + adult awareness = the upward spiral 🎙️ FOLLOW THE CHAOS (OR DON’T): 📩 Subscribe—because obviously. 💬 DM us your biggest "wait, is that just me?" moment—we might rant about it next. ⭐ Rate/review if you’re interested in chaos too. New episodes drop on Tuesdays. Chaos guaranteed. No apologies. 🚀 🤓 BONUS DISCLAIMER: Interested in Chaos? is for professionals, thinkers, and anyone allergic to bullshit who wants depth without delusion. We’re not your gurus. We’re your pattern-spotting, reality-anchoring, slightly chaotic friends. #SpiritualAF #SpiritualHumor #LifestylePodcast #Mindset #LifeCoaching #RealTalk

EPISODE 61: ADHD, Hyper-fixation & Why Great Ideas Never Become Reality On ADHD spirals, fertile voids, and why coasting is not the same as resting. 📌 THE CHAOS THIS WEEK: This episode starts with a xylophone, several unfinished projects, a box of stickers, and Jill forgetting basic human needs because she's deep in a hyper-fixation spiral. From there, things somehow get deeper. We talk about ADHD brains, idea addiction, the comfort of preparation, and why some of our best ideas never make it out of our heads and into the world. We explore the difference between intentional rest and avoidance, what it actually means when "the waiting is not empty," and why awareness alone isn't enough to change your life. Along the way, we discuss Notion rabbit holes, manifestation coaches, moon circles, scooter economics, children interrupting podcasts, and the uncomfortable truth that your biggest opportunity for growth is probably hiding inside the thing you've been avoiding. Somewhere between the chaos and the laughter, we land on a question worth sitting with: Are you resting, or are you waiting for permission? 🔮For you if: You have more ideas than time. You keep preparing but never quite start. You can't tell if you're resting or procrastinating. You have seventeen tabs open and three unfinished projects. You've been waiting for clarity before taking action. You're tired of confusing awareness with progress. 🔮 THE COSMIC LIBRARY: Hyperfixation & ADHD patterns The Taurus New Moon and intentional cultivation Notion systems and second-brain thinking Struthless ADHD hacks and creative productivity The difference between boundaries, resistance, and fear On IG: @interestedinchaos @abmari @purposefullyalign Listen on Spotify & Apple Podcasts: Interested in Chaos? 0:00 Cold Open: Xylophone, No Water, Zero Shame 01:45 Hyperfixation Mode: When Your Brain Won't Let You Eat 05:00 Notion, Diego, and the Phone Call Nobody Saw Coming 08:00 Mid-Year Journaling Workshop Announcement 10:00 Mining Old Transcripts for Wisdom (It's In There) 13:30 ADHD Hacks That Are Unhinged and Actually Work 15:00 The Midnight Idea You'll Definitely Remember (You Won't) 18:00 Kids Invade the Podcast: Scooter Economics and Duck-Frogs 21:00 Sheltered Humans and Why Comfort Is Not the Same as Safety 22:30 Manifestation Coaches and the Cost of Avoiding Hard Conversations 23:45 Taurus New Moon: What Is Growing Beneath the Surface? 26:00 "The Waiting Is Not Empty" (And What That Actually Means) 27:30 Do We All Know What to Do? 29:00 The Gap Between Awareness and Action 30:30 Coasting vs. Intentional Rest 32:00 Fear vs. Boundaries: How to Tell the Difference 34:00 Your Biggest Growth Is in the Thing You're Not Writing FOLLOW THE CHAOS: 📩 Subscribe because, apparently, we're turning ADHD tangents into life lessons now. 💬 Send us your biggest "wait... is that actually what I'm doing?" moment. We might unpack it in a future episode. ⭐ Rate and review if you're interested in chaos too. New episodes drop every Tuesday. 🤓 BONUS DISCLAIMER: Interested in Chaos? is for professionals, deep thinkers, recovering perfectionists, and anyone allergic to bullshit who wants depth without delusion. We're not your gurus. We're your pattern-spotting, reality-anchoring, slightly chaotic friends. #ADHD #Hyperfixation #PersonalGrowth #Mindset #SelfAwareness #Productivity #CreativeEntrepreneur #LifeCoaching #InterestedInChaos #RealTalk #Discernment #Growth #Accountability #Podcast #MentalHealth #ADHDBrain #Spirituality #PurposefulLiving

EPISODE 62: You've Done the Shadow & Healing Work. Why Are You Still Stuck? Feeling stuck after therapy, healing, shadow work, or personal development? This might be why. You've done the therapy. You've done the healing. You've done the shadow work. You've read the books, listened to the podcasts, journaled your feelings, and become incredibly self-aware. So why do you still feel stuck? 📌 THE CHAOS THIS WEEK: This episode is for someone who describes their stress levels as "manageable" while their body is quietly staging a protest they keep ignoring. A real coaching conversation about why personal growth doesn't always translate into life change. Jill and Abmari sit down for an unfiltered check-in on what stress actually looks like when you're good at convincing yourself you're fine. They pull up the Dr. David Hawkins Map of Consciousness mid-episode, locate exactly where Abmari is sitting on the emotional frequency scale, and then ask the harder question: now what? This one covers somatic symptoms as shadow work, the gap between desire and deserving, identity and the fear of dropping who you've been, and why telling yourself you're "managing" can be the most dangerous lie you tell. Part one of two. Part two drops next week. 00:00 Why Am I Stressed for No Reason? 01:44 Hidden Stress, Shadow Work & Body Symptoms 04:05 Emotional Frequency Charts Explained 06:55 Fear, Anxiety, Desire & Feeling Stuck 08:50 Are You Intellectualizing Your Emotions? 10:16 Financial Anxiety, Entrepreneurship & Feeling Unsafe 12:47 The Map of Consciousness & Emotional Healing 15:02 Money Mindset: The "Never Enough" Pattern 18:35 Willpower vs Ease: Why Pushing Harder Isn't Working 20:31 Identity Shifts: Who Am I Without My Old Story? 22:21 Self-Worth, Desire & Why You Want More 24:13 Parts Work for Personal Growth & Self-Awareness 28:16 Settling for Less Than You Really Want 30:33 Spiritual Business, Authenticity & Success 31:44 Building a Purpose-Driven Business Without Selling Out 33:15 Fear of Success, Visibility & Identity Expansion 35:45 The Question That Reveals What's Really Holding You Back 🔮 THE COSMIC LIBRARY: 📸 Instagram: @interestedinchaos @abmari @purposefullyalign 🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts & YouTube: Interested in Chaos 🎙️ FOLLOW THE CHAOS (OR DON’T): 📩 Subscribe—because obviously... new vids every Tuesday! 🤓 BONUS DISCLAIMER: Interested in Chaos? podcast is for professionals, deep thinkers, and anyone allergic to bullshit who wants depth without the delulu. We’re not your gurus. We’re your pattern-spotting, reality-anchoring, slightly chaotic friends.